


Unworthy

by EveningRose



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: F/M, Follow on from 2x11, a bit of cuteness, fits around the final scene on the beach, journeying back to some of the things that have happened in Lucifer, self reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2017-01-21
Packaged: 2018-09-19 00:41:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9409913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EveningRose/pseuds/EveningRose
Summary: Lucifer reflects on what makes him unworthy of Chloe.





	

If he was being honest (which he always was, just not always out loud), Lucifer had known that he’d been unworthy of the company of Chloe Decker for most of their time together.

It was probably around the time that he had curled his body over her and told her he wouldn’t let her die.

Death was part of life – it moved within the stream, taking those who had run out of time. Sometimes it came far too early, at the hand of others – as he had seen countless times. Often, people didn’t deserve it. But Lucifer knew that it happened, and he hadn’t actively cared about preserving anyone else’s life. Being immortal meant that you watched humans age and die, and there was nothing you could do about it.

And then Chloe Decker had strutted into Lux and asked him if his name was a stage name, and something had changed.

He’d had his share of lovers who came from all walks of life, and who had all varied greatly in their personalities and attitudes. But he hadn’t encountered someone like Chloe Decker.

It was incredible how interesting she was. She was strong, stubborn, hard-working, intelligent, extremely sensitive and caring. She was all business on crime scenes, and she kept it together remarkably well no matter what new situation they faced. All of these things made him enjoy her company even more, her quirks and the little things. It made him pleased that he knew special things about her, the things that made her so very unique. It also intrigued him that she treated him with such kindness, and enjoyed working with him despite his lack of effect on her.

He hadn’t even planned, practiced or picked his confession to her on the beach about him being not deserving. His contemplation on the matter of them had brought him to that point.

It was utterly depressing, really. Realising that one was unworthy and was not deserving of someone or something was somewhat of a blow to his self-confidence. Lucifer had always been worthy of everything he desired, and he had taken such careful lengths to not abuse it, misuse it or let the power get to his head.

Naturally, the second he realised he had feelings for Chloe – his Detective – he had also realised he hadn’t been worthy.

He had let Chloe down at times, leaving cases to deal with other matters that sometimes weren’t important. There had been times when he had avoided telling her his feelings or sharing what he was dealing with, despite her reassurances that she was there to listen. He hadn’t been the best Lucifer that he could be around, and to her. And because of that, he wasn’t worthy.

It wasn’t worth telling Linda that, as he didn’t particularly care to splurge the details of his inner doubts to the therapist. He wouldn’t even tell Maze, for he could imagine her laughter. The Devil? Not worthy? Surely temptation would bring the desired prize.

In this case, perhaps the only on Lucifer’s record, the answer was no. Temptation did not bring the prize. He had taken such fun in teasing Chloe during their daily encounters. It didn’t fall out of normal Lucifer to partake in the activity; he was devious, seductive and fascinated with desires and sex. All things naughty and pleasurable might as well have a ‘Sold’ sticker on them as they immediately took Lucifer’s fancy.

He was well aware that technically, his advances counted as sexual harassment. If Chloe had asked him to stop, he would have ceased in a heartbeat. But the roll of her eyes, the tug of a smile at her lips, and the faint snort she’d give alerted him that his behaviour was amusing to her, and not harmful.

It didn’t hurt that he’d very much wanted to become intimate with her since they’d met. Thinking back on it, it was most likely her handcuffing him that had sparked it. Yet he’d turned her down when she’d stumbled into his apartment drunk, mainly because he never took advantage of people and used the heat of the moment to continue a situation, and partly because he couldn’t bear her regretting doing something with him.

It was actually ridiculous the lengths he had gone to in order to protect her, something which still stumped him. Putting Chloe first came so naturally; sheltering her from bullets, promising a return to Hell if she was spared, even killing Uriel. All of those moments carried a heavy meaning, an emotion laden memory. But he wouldn’t change them at all.

He had never thought of himself as lucky. He asked and bargained for what he wanted, working out deals and making agreements. But he had never dared ask for Chloe to reciprocate his feelings, to look beyond his flaws and love him.

Yet here he was, standing on a beach after she’d pressed her lips to his, going against what he’d told her. She had shown him that she thought he was worth it.

Something inside of him burned brightly, his heart beating fast as she pulled away slightly, her hand sliding down to his front.

He was somewhat glad that he didn’t have his wings, or in that moment it was plausible that they would spring free with joy. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, feeling her arms curl around him as he tilted his head down to rest against hers.

“I think you’re worth it.” Chloe whispered, and he smiled into her hair.

“I still maintain that I’m not worthy.”

“I think I get to be the judge of that.”

“You’re a Detective, not a Judge.” Lucifer teased, and she laughed.

“Don’t ruin this moment.”

“Oh, so we’re having a moment now?”

“Lucifer?”

“Yes, Detective?”

“Shut up.” She smiled, lifting her head up and pressing her lips to his.

What a fantastic turn of fate, or perhaps the best practical joke of eternity. Lucifer wasn’t sure yet.

**Author's Note:**

> They finally kissed! I was soooooooooo happy when they did, and the whole thing was absolutely perfect. I got a little teary listening to it, because the writers absolutely nailed Lucifer feeling all self-doubting, and realising that even though he is a perfect male specimen, and that he is incredibly attractive in many ways that he doesn't deserve Chloe because he's flawed. And Chloe being like "well yeah maybe who cares lets kiss" and the breathy "Detective" just slayed me. I am 300% done and really keen to see how this progresses. They seem to have nailed the balance of relationship and functional show, so I hope that continues.
> 
> Anyway, I haven't published anything in ages! This happens when I'm satisfied with the direction that the show is going in, and can't find fault or a point that I get inspiration for a little expansion off (The Devil Sleeps Over, and this are examples where expansion is great and I think of an idea.) So, unfortunately for you, lovely readers, that means I might not be writing like crazy unless things take a terrible turn or they make more jumping off points. We shall see. :) Hopefully no terrible turns are made and it continues on a really good path like before, and unlike other shows. (Cough Scorpion ruining my life by making me resent the show for the terrible turns being taken).


End file.
